So, can you suggest a vision for the future that isn’t this job. I’m not a mental health professional, but if you have any in your network/social circle, I might reach out to ask for advice about how to broach this with your husband. “If Gary isn’t doing it, why should I?” Yes. And at some point, Joe and Tom and Karen would all earn the same pay and vacation- because there was a point (usually somewhere between 5 and 10 years) where a person reached the top salary and maximum vacation. I graduated With Honors. If you’re coming from an environment with more explicit expectations, or are just a very literal person who thinks if someone expects something from you, that they’d tell you, it can be a steep learning curve. He needs to take responsibility for what HE is doing (and not doing), and frankly grow up and stop blaming others. His attitude stinks and although people are sometimes different at work and in personal life, they tend to be BETTER at work than in their personal life. I’m going to broach the subject of his mental health again tonight. In other words, is Bob doing that work instead of Jim because he has the qualifications Jim has chosen not to pursue? So he may have thought he could get more flexibility than the job really allows. There’s a long thread above about how maybe he has depression, and perhaps he does, but it really sounds like he expected people to kiss his ass in his new role and when it didn’t happen he decided to pout instead of getting over himself. (Note: I’m not diagnosing anyone with any kind of mental stuff here, but when I’ve been sunk into a real morass of ‘nothing matters’ and performing badly due to my severe depression it’s been my husband saying ‘I don’t want to hear your complaints anymore if you’re not going to do anything about it’ that gave me a big incentive to really try and act better), (Holy Cthulhu I did not intend to write that much! Reply ↓ MarfisaTheLibrarian * February 11, 2021 at 3:17 pm. I work very hard to shed the stigma of working on the factory side, but sometimes my language or approach can still be a bit abrupt after having to operate in that manner for so long, it’s not a switch you can just flip. I mention this just as another possible look into the emotions that may be driving the problem. I was married to a liar and slacker, and I wouldn’t wish that hell on anyone. It may simply be the job isn’t a good match. But I’m noticing the last point–if improvement of his health condition has improved his attendance/work behavior, is it possible that the health issues (possibly in addition to COVID mental health issues) really were impacting his work? Anything that got worse “over the last year” rings the “COVID-Fatigue” bell for me. While I understand that this directly affects her life and the financial stability of the entire family, he owns his own performance issues. After having worked in the office of manufacturing plant, I am not sure that is the case. This is important. Bob with 20 years of experience may be given a lot more flexibility than the uncertified new guy. Right. Strong knowledge of Contracts, Engineering Estimates, Bill of Quantities, Engineering Drawings, Project Scope, Nature of the Works, Clients requirements and relevant documents enables the scheduler to develop a comprehensive Work Break Down Structure (WBS) with all the activities, resources, costs, constraints and risks involved in the project. Then if they say yes, they really do, you go into how they’re going to have to essentially be a solid reliable performer for a while, listen to their manager and coworkers on what is considered acceptable behaviour and look into methods of dealing with their anger over perceived ‘unfairness’ that don’t affect others. She isn’t the one working with these people, there may be stuff causing his behavior that is not just I him. Therefore desegregation of their interest might take plenty of valuable time and resources that once unnoted might lead to conflicts and dispute, thus affecting the project in the context of delay and cost overrun. Duck and cover, OP. I’m wondering if the reason he hasn’t got his certification yet, is because he really doesn’t want to? Honestly, you’re between a rock and a hard place because you’re his wife; all of these concerns should be coming from his manager (and maybe they are). Price. OP, are the certifications related to the office-type work Bob is doing and Jim wants? Maybe he’s concerned about being able to measure up to Bob and so he’s self-sabotaging because it’s easier than trying his best and failing. I’m kind of surprised he’s sustained the new position for two years and they’re keeping him on board despite his not doing the certifications. Fair point about the certification classes- but then again, we don’t know if he was eligible to take them immediately upon hire. Good luck! I did something like this when my spouse was complaining about work about 10 years ago. He was still socialized for retail, not a professional office. Does he have the same goals as he did then? Or, B) Jim absolutely hates and feels overwhelmed by the new job and is subconsciously self-sabotaging, and generally acting out. He needs to find something he will commit to – it doesn’t need to be high paying – but he needs a job. Before the execution of any project, the Employer assesses the initial size of the investment required to incur in the project by an Engineer estimate. Did he make as much money? And that impacts you since it sounds like you share income. Basically everything that is out of his control. It really sounds like: This, firsty. Your husband needs a come to jesus talk before this all crashes and burns. Audits and analyzes data where quality of work produced is poor or erratic Initiates or recommends changes Inspects and accepts or rejects all purchased gages or gaging equipment Repairs gages and certifies results when required Lays out parts using advanced mathematical calculations and precision inspection equipment to properly check dimensions and … I would have great difficulty respecting a man who abrogated responsibility for his own actions to others. Does your husband understand that someone with twenty years of history has undoubtedly earned all the extra benefits your husband complains about?? Give examples of what successful employees in the job have produced. If possible, I think it would be ideal if you could try to have an open, nonjudgmental conversation with him where you try to hear him out and find out what is bothering him, because it sounds like something is. Clients I worked with who had a lengthy work history that was derailed by an illness or injury often really struggled to cope with their inability to do the work they used to do. I'm giving this vacuum a 5 star review because even though it is not the best overall robot vacuum I believe it is the best of the … I’ve suggested that he gets counselling or talk to his doctor about his moods, because he really wasn’t like this at his last job. It took another year or two before I felt normal again and actually cared about my work again. People give a lot more leeway to “blue collar” workers than they do to “white collar” ones. I wonder if this has got nothing to do with Bob, and he’s just really unhappy in his new job? +1. My husband (“Jim”) worked on the line in a factory setting for many years. And make your plans accordingly. One thing that strikes me is why doesn’t your husband know where Bob is? Because this guy is heading towards getting fired and your good advice isn’t necessarily going to stop him. –Fergus spent his morning in meetings, so although he wasn’t in the office until noon, his work day usually started much earlier. Some left service altogether for a new career path. Because constantly messing up at work, to the point where you’re getting less money and the boss is starting to tell you off for it is a serious matter. I think it’s been a huge change for him. There is often an expectation in white collar work that you will get delayed rewards; I’m not sure if this is as pervasive in blue collar work, where I think they are more clear that people work for money, and there’s sometimes unions etc. He has to honor them as much as you do. Its your husband, if you can’t tell him everything you wrote and have a genuine discussion about it then you have a lot more to worry about. Then one day, in the throws of frustration, he was saying something wasn’t possible and I spit out, “Why not?” and this bucket of fears poured out. The pressure distribution of the final 3 points of the startup are similar in the fact that less work is extracted from the cylinder due to the injection and spark scheduling. While I hope to go back to my original career eventually, I’ve enjoyed the difference but I can see how it would be really difficult to fit into a corporate environment if you aren’t used to it. Nona, can you mention a couple of the most helpful titles? Ugh. The way you frame things is important. If you haven’t laid out to him clearly once before all the ways this impacting you (financial risks, stress, etc. Jim is usually there for 6-7 hours a day. I ache to see him continually self-sabotage, because I know he’s capable, intelligent and in general a good person, but no matter how I approach the subject or how gently I comment about the things he gets irate about from the business’s perspective, he simply will not see any other interpretation than his own skewed one. I was the only employee in on Sunday and basically once everything was done, I thought it was fine to leave, but I’d still indicate that I worked 8 hours so they didn’t dock me PTO or sick time. The whole “white collar” types have an easier time hiding their worst behaviors in public and smaller groups. It worked for me with my ADHD. Quality, cost, delivery (QCD), sometimes expanded to QCDMS (Quality, Cost, Delivery, Morale, Safety), is a management approach originally developed to help companies within the British automobile sector.Make it work . When you admit that your performance is sub-par because you’re annoyed, how are you surprised that you’re not getting the full bonus?”, Not all of these things need to be said at once, but this is not time for sympathy or empathy. :). Yes, unreasonable anger can be a symptom of depression, and chronic pain can be a trigger. It’s not up to LW to evaluate and manage their spouse’s work performance. We have been providing academic help to students from countries all over the world for years now. The thing about stereotypes is that they contain kernels of truth, sometimes very large kernels. The OP (The Wife) – I read some of your responses and it seems like your husband was forced to make a change that he might not have wanted to make. I assume you want to stay married to him, so make your plan, start figuring out your budget going forward as if he’s already lost this income and see what you’re going to need to do to keep afloat. I think a career counselor or mentor are both great choices. (My own husband has a medical condition that is much improved by the use of a device that he owns and simply prefers not to use. Thiiiis. Things were icy for a couple of days, but he seems to have given it some thought, and come to the realization that his current position isn’t so bad, and that he really needs to do some self-reflection to determine what type of work would fit best with his personality. Guys I’d hung with, run with etc now treated me as “one of them.” Because I was. It is not easy to get away with things in that environment in my experience (When I was hourly in a manufacturing office environment I was not given any leeway). I get what I need to do my job and am treated differently from my colleagues but it’s still fair. I know it’s not what people mean to say, and yet…. Falsifying timesheets and not showing up to work on time are not blue-collar norms. Material and equipment handling, which includes procurement, inventory, shop fabrication, and field servicing, requires special attention for time-saving and cost reduction. I want you to succeed and be happy there. Equal isn’t fair in his new role. Project Scheduling with Primavera P6 Training Manual. You sound like a good person, but you cannot “fix” your partner’s poor work ethic. Part of that was because his family doctor blew him off when the symptoms first started a few years ago, and I think that made him feel like he just had to live with it. should we provide the name behind anonymous feedback to a customer? Yes. He shouldn’t be trying to do as little as Bob, he should be trying to be the most successful Jim! Find some common ground, find a common goal, and find steps to get there.