), I’m curious how his wife knows all this info about his work? People give a lot more leeway to “blue collar” workers than they do to “white collar” ones. He has also not completed or even registered for the certification courses that he needs to do. Skipping out on work and blaming Bob is not the answer. Some people decided to start at 8 and leave at 6. I worked in outdoor ed and recreation for years, then I transitioned into working as an Admin in a Law Firm. Get your own finances as much in order as they can be. But as far as I can tell, equal treatment doesn’t go so far as to expect to be treated the exact same as a more senior employee who has qualifications you don’t. If he had a magic wand, how many sick days would he take? Some left service altogether for a new career path. That was my first thought when I read that because that’s exactly how my spouse is. He was calling out 2-3 days a week. Bob is not going to lose his job. I asked him, well, what would happen if you had a magic wand and impossible things were possible? The detailed investigation study, extensive design expertise, a clear scope of work, accurate quantity calculations and proper planning with complete modus operandi is required to obtain the Engineer estimate. It sounds like Jim may be somewhat immature in general, but he’s really scapegoating Bob here instead of dealing with his own problems. Sorry you did it and had trouble, of course, but relieved to know I wasn’t the only one. I think during that time it would be good for him (with some help from you) to figure out what he wants out of his work and what are the barriers to getting it. that make him unable or about to be unable to do the previous job, so he’s transitioning into this administrative position as an alternative to being disabled from his previous manual labor job, and now he’s resentful about having to do the manual labor? However, it sounds like even that might have broken down if she wasn’t willing to get treatment / medical documentation. I tried not to have a chip on my shoulder, but at the same time, it’s hard not to get one when people already have preconceived notions about you. Once you’re working, it’s pretty common to do some formal or informal professional development, on your or the company’s time and/or dime, without an assurance that it will directly translate into a promotion or raise. In fact, I’d say it’s your job. It also takes a lot more self motivation to work in a white collar environment because unless you have a micromanager above you, you’re expected to maintain your workload without being fed each task with a specific timeline. That is an option (I would hate that option but some people are ok with doing the minimum). Just my opinion and my perspective. Therefore desegregation of their interest might take plenty of valuable time and resources that once unnoted might lead to conflicts and dispute, thus affecting the project in the context of delay and cost overrun. I think that you have done what you can to show him the error of his ways, and he just won’t see it. Make it clear to him that his income is needed to maintain your household and taking care of this medical issue needs to be high priority so he keeps his job. I know some people who don’t have enough literacy (they can read enough to get by – signs / menus/ simple instructions etc- but freeze and need more support if expected to, for example complete a course with small essays or whatever). Maybe he was one of the “top dogs” at his old job, and resents the change. Words matter – listen to your words, and choose them wisely. If he’s choosing to maintain his attitudes that fit better with his blue-collar job, at some point it’s more like willful ignorance. I know that for my own father, who worked in white collar jobs but grew up in a blue collar family, having big health issues caused him to flip into a definite “The world owes me!” nasty state for at least a couple years; my mother getting cancer and his having to care for her was the only thing that flipped him out of it (and is obviously not a recommended course of action!). It read to me like he’s not managing it well. He is also looking at what Bob is doing and thinking he can get away with the same thing. Similarly, effective communication with design sections and the Client is required to enhance the chances of the most accurate engineering estimation. But it might be worth your while to google some of the meds he is on and find out of there are side effects such as apathy/lethargy/or similar. This is how Bob is. His manager would notice and his coworkers would notice. I don’t know how much time, energy, inclination OP has to educate herself and then her husband to lead them both out of the cave of toxic masculinity, but it’s probably work that is worth undertaking if at all possible. That’s a recipe for major mental strain, even before you add in a chronic health problem. I think it’s important to realize that while *we* are all seeing one thing from your letter, he is clearly living a different experience. Tell him that if he gets fired because of his poor attitude and lateness/absenteeism, the family budget is cut and the things he likes won’t be available anymore (fancy meals, covid-safe vacations, hobbies that require money…). If it’s entitlement, generally it’s a mentality built from resentment and frustration that may not even be related to work, but it’s obviously affecting his work and he doesn’t seem to care about consequences; someone who doesn’t care about consequences is unpredictable. Honestly, this might be the best bombshell to get through to him. This Unique 4 page Quick-Reference guide explains the basic approaches to managing and scheduling both residential and commercial projects. A couple of suggestions for you in talking with him — one is focusing on his values. Yes, his bosses don’t want him to take so many sick days. But if someone wants to share Primavera P6 information with all the project stakeholders or team members and make accessible to view and print or analyze the Primavera file (.xer) I strongly suggest ScheduleReader software. But I too am worried about that marriage: a man who blames everyone but himself for his own failures, takes unnecessary sick days because he doesn’t take care of himself and thinks he’s entitled to falsify his time card/sheet/record (which can get him instantly fired in many, many workplaces) does NOT sound like the model of mature manhood to me. They are fully formed human beings who are deliberately choosing to devalue and ignore advice that they don’t like. Bob takes a week off, and Jim calls in sick on Monday and Tuesday after the vacation). What if he tried to see Bob as an ally and if Bob can leave early and have more time off how does your husband get to be Bob someday? It’s a mental shift. And the actual problem I saw was that “white collar folks” were perceived as not working a full work day for various reasons. And frankly, people who are rigid in the, “I learned the One Right Way, and they’re doing it wrong” way? The bag thing is you have to learn how to be self directed. Does he have the same goals as he did then? At the new job he had to negotiate his salary for the first time, he has specific objectives that are unique to him, raises and bonuses are based on subjective criteria rather than set in stone. So, over time, he’s decided not to listen to the doctors because he knows himself better. Price. But OP has to protect herself first. Only help if he asks for help in finding someone, and make it clear ultimately he’s responsible for his appts/meds/etc (maybe that won’t be a problem but basically you are not responsible for his therapy or management of any mental health conditions, you can be supportive but not ultimately responsible at all). It took a while, but he found a new opportunity. I support this. BUT its possible that there are other legitimate issues that are making him feel powerless…. They constantly badmouthed my father who just sat at a desk doing nothing while they had to work hard for a lot less money; there was a lot of macho posturing around their superiority and his ‘easy life’. In addition, the schedule depicts the project future work while providing historical data that could be useful in analyzing the past. He was told what he needs to do to be better, and he’s choosing not to do it. In my line of work, you get paid more and pursue education and certification so that you can tackle harder problems, and solving harder problems is why someone would get paid more, more vacation, etc. I learned I wasn’t great for that career field anyway. I am going to stick myself into it more because we have found out he actually does listen to me when its about work (about 75% of the time). And now the new tasks he has to work on are using different parts of his brain and feel stressful or confusing enough that he’s searching for ways to opt out of them (like being late or calling in sick). Unfortunately life isn’t ‘fair’, and it’s a tough pill to swallow – but continuing to fight against that reality is a one way ticket to a miserable and unsatisfactory life. At one point I had a cohort who ran into problems with her husband because of a med. BUT WORK is still an ongoing problem. I attempted to say this elsewhere, but this is much more succinct, and it’s 100% accurate. What province? If not, frankly I’d suggest counselling or therapy – couples stuff to learn how to discuss these types of things. ), you should do that. Therefore all the project plans, schedule, cost, and quantity estimation, procurement and quality mechanism are usually calculated from the initial project scope. This is great advice and also where I basically stand. So I’m wondering how much of Jim’s righteous indignation here is actually “I had all these expectations about how my job was going to go and then it didn’t go that way and I’m really disappointed and sad” or “I know I screwed up here and I feel ashamed of myself for letting it get this far” or “these conversations with my boss make me afraid that I’m going to lose my job and I don’t know what to do.” There are a lot of negative social consequences for men who feel and express things like disappointment or helplessness, because those things supposedly make a person weak. I would pivot to problem solving because it focuses back on what is in your husband’s control. But you have to want it even if it’s for a small reason. If he is not willing to look within himself to find new approaches, then in all honesty I think the best thing you can do is to ensure that you maintain a solid nest-egg of at least six months’ worth of expenses at all times. What quantity of work do you expect? Some people just like to complain…or milk the system…. (Usually not to this degree, though.). So much of the culture of white-collar work is dependent on certain attitudes around time preference and investment that I’m not sure that someone who isn’t comfortable with delayed or insecure rewards would thrive there. Scheduling shows not only the logical order in which the activities are intended to be carried out, but also enable the participants of that project to monitor progress. In the last month things have gotten a bit better. He’s almost copying Bob’s behaviour with time off and leaving early/coming in late as a way to try and equalise that disparity between them. As an unknown quantity, or someone who can’t meet the basic expectations being put upon him, he’s going to have a lot more restriction – and that’s only going to continue if he keeps this attitude. I actually know that one former employee clocked in from her phone while she was still on the bus. My ex’s many, many excuses were the biggest reason I left. However, through AA – therapy and the like, I really noticed destructive work patterns. Agreed, especially when he compares his role as the new, unproven hire, to Bob’s, the guy who’s already paid his dues and enjoys trust from management and increased flexibility in his schedule as a result. There’s being unhappy at work, feeling cheated, etc. However, on-going laziness to me is probably the result of unaddressed underlying problems. That’s why we have entry tests for all applicants who want to work for us. He’s used to an environment where everyone has to be on time, focused, working hard* or otherwise they’ll get in the shit. OP, is there any chance that anger/frustration with your husband’s old job and with his injuries is getting directed at the new job? And why is Jim’s attitude, “Bob (assumption!) Several times at one job the software was glitching so I couldn’t electronically clock in, and I still would get written up, then have to write a whole explanation of how I actually wasn’t late, and then the write-up would be removed….all of that and I was physically present when I was supposed to be! Ah, I read it as, “He needs to do x, y, z. I’m been through this/going through this with my husband. Ultimately it will be up to your husband to manage himself. Because if he is otherwise ok with Bob, maybe Jim could talk to Bob and say he’s having a hard time understanding the way the job works because it’s arranged very differently from his last position. I don’t think there’s much a spouse can do here, honestly, but I can suggest two things from personal experience. ” My husband thinks that if Bob is doing that, then he should be allowed to as well”. My daughter and SIL have both faced job loss and done the same — once they work out ‘THE PLAN’ it makes it easier to let go of the panic and do what needs done to move ahead. I suspect that there is something wrong, but that the only way to get Jim so see a professional would be if he was convinced that he was going for career assistance as opposed to a mental health issue, which may be the real problem. When he worked on the line, they would tell him schedule him for training and remind him about it the day before. It’s s big learning curve going from an hourly skilled job to a salaried, “all the work that’s required” environment. It didn’t help his career or our marriage. Husband may not even be able to do the better work if it requires certification. Yes, there are so many unknown factors that could be coming into play. Yeah, there’s no way he hasn’t been this much of an ass (sorry, but that’s what I’m seeing here) before. Unfortunately it’s his partner asking for advice and I’m not sure what she can do. I work very hard to shed the stigma of working on the factory side, but sometimes my language or approach can still be a bit abrupt after having to operate in that manner for so long, it’s not a switch you can just flip. I don’t think his mental state and anger at how put-upon he thinks he is will improve if he loses his job – are you willing to deal with that? Especially a couple years in, this doesn’t sound like a “blue collar-to-white collar” adjustment, this sounds like a mental health concern. It is hard to have a good marriage if you have to be your husband’s Mommy and nothing turns a man into a whiny baby faster than a nagging wife, so you are in a very difficult position. Because this guy is heading towards getting fired and your good advice isn’t necessarily going to stop him. Maybe your husband is lazy. Falsifying time sheets, and poor performance reviews will end up with him fired. I had several people in my area treat me as though I was exceptionally stupid when I moved from blue to white within my company. Don’t even hide what you are doing. This is even more true since COVID and management hasn’t been on site in nearly 12 months. Coming in at a weird time? Jim’s symptoms are better, and his mood is better as a result. But even if that’s not the case, assuming norms from a single other employee is not going to fly a lot of the time. Oh, OP, I feel for you. The pressure distribution of the final 3 points of the startup are similar in the fact that less work is extracted from the cylinder due to the injection and spark scheduling. Wishing you both the best of luck – I hope 2021 ends up being a happier, healthier, less stressful year than you’ve experienced of late! Poor scope definition at the start can be a result of cost overrun and time delay of any construction project. Anyone with chronic illness or chronic pain has to figure out a solution. Of course Bob has his choice of assignments, more vacation and a more flexible schedule, he’s had 20 years to prove himself to the company. I got lucky I had a new coworker who was really experienced and helped me talk through stuff and pinpoint what the issues were. Also – and I struggled with this as a junior officer – in retrospect there was definitely some imposter syndrome – or at least a feeling of sometimes being in over my head/not being taken seriously. Can he go back to his prior job or will he have burned bridges? Which is really fortunate because I was ready to pack my bags as people are advising you here. He had similar issues as you describe. It sounds like your husband is going through a lot; physical changes, a bit change in job and working environment, probably a major drag from chronic pain or something from his health condition, probably some amount of stress or depression from what’s been going on in the world too (I know I felt like a frog in boiling water for the first few months of march trying to practice extreme isolation until I couldn’t take it anymore and had to figure out the safest way to get out at least a tolerable amount – or really negotiate my with my husband between absolute minimal risk vs risk/benefit ratio to extreme isolation for all family members including youngish and very social children) In my first office job, I ended up getting fired for falsifying time sheets because I didn’t understand that I couldn’t just make my own hours (I was salaried). Only after that did we make any progress. Blowing off the certification, in addition to everything else, suggests he’s not mentally invested in this job. This. Sure. My advice is to prepare for him to potentially lose his job. Yup my former boss used to leave by 4pm every day, if that’s all you saw you might be annoyed. A year ago the straw broke the camel’s back with my husband’s alcoholism. Glad things are looking up. (And I get that falsifying timesheets is a fireable offense, but I also know plenty of ppl who wouldn’t have thought twice about doing it if they felt like no one would catch them). Absenteeism, timesheet fudging and staying up to date on certifications are, if anything, *more* of an issue in the trades than in many office jobs! I work with manufacturing and agree that the shop floor is very strict on hours, when you have to be there and when you can leave. When I was a blue collar worker, the line workers assumed the worst of management and it was an adversarial relationship at best. Maybe that plus he’s not getting the recognition of his years working ‘on the line’. And as he stepped back from the med, I got my husband back. The ‘chip on the shoulder’ us vs them mentality common in blue color settings (and often reflecting the very real lack of power and autonomy a worker has in those settings) is in fact a real barrier to success in positions that require initiative and autonomy. And then also, there’s just the flat out poor for lack of planning. I feel for the letter writer. I’m specifically talking about this job, and didn’t even come close to saying that blue collar jobs never reward those things. I think the opposite is the same. a. change. Bob has his share of problems at work, but the LW has THEIR share of his problems, too! Update the calendar as new appointments are scheduled. With luck, he’ll decide that he’s tired of being miserable all the time, and will be willing to look into other options. Very much an us against them mentality i.e. I notice that Jim’s sick days tend to coincide with Bob’s vacations (i.e. Is there a pattern of Jim acting this way around other situation where they’ve struggled? Yes, you should have double-checked, but I’m not even sure what you mean by “so I’d get paid my full salary” because if you’re salaried, then wouldn’t they have been paying your full salary regardless? Going back to the factory floor in the same company may appear/feel like a demotion. This REALLY frustrated me at first before I understood it. It’s encouraging that with this new treatment plan, he’s doing better overall and his attitude has improved. So, work with him to plan what you’ll do when he loses the job. Scheduling is a method in which the work activities are arranged in a sequential logical order to achieve the project within the stipulated time frame. But I’m noticing the last point–if improvement of his health condition has improved his attendance/work behavior, is it possible that the health issues (possibly in addition to COVID mental health issues) really were impacting his work? Errors in the quantity surveys. It sounds like the RSIs from his years on the line have caught up with him and he’s not capable of doing the work he used to, and this probably seemed like a really natural progression to everyone involved, including him. By two years out, he’s been flailing and failing and getting resentful for long enough, by now, that some sort of greater reckoning is in order. If it were me I would give it one last shot — pick a time and place where you can sit down and actually have a conversation without interruption and where you can both focus and tell him that it is the last time you are going to have the conversation. I told him multiple times that I couldn’t keep being the only one with ft employment, the only breadwinner (at like $21k/ year!) Why would you be required to lie for your job? I was married to a liar and slacker, and I wouldn’t wish that hell on anyone. Knowledge of Oracle Primavera P6 is preferred as it is being used in most industries as an effective project management tool. One of our coworkers complained about it, but he didn’t realize she took her laptop home with her and would still work 40 hours a week. He can’t be very happy if he’s constantly feeling misused and misunderstood, and obviously his managers aren’t happy either. Other than that, I’m not sure there’s much you can do. Blue collar really emphasizes “fairness” and what that means is that everyone gets the same thing and is treated the same. But if Jim was asking, I’d tell him to consider going back to to the work that went well for many years. These are realities being discussed. I think it’s time to head back to the blue collar life. Then suggest he look for a job that has those things, because he’s probably not getting them there, and 2 years is too long to be miserable. And looking/feeling inadequate around Bob. And it will be harder for him to find a new job when he’s fired for dishonesty. I do think there might be opportunity to turn it around since issues were brought up at the performance review but he wasn’t put on a PIP (hopefully). Although there are companies who abuse this and string workers along for *years*. You’re right about the delayed rewards piece, and I suspect it goes deeper than simply what happens at work. It’s a huge change to suddenly sit still and do classwork, and many people really don’t like it or want to do it, which is why they chose jobs where coursework isn’t required or is minimal. “He has also not completed or even registered for the certification courses that he needs to do.”. This does not sound typical. Can he move to a new role where he is not paired with Bob? This may be a part of it and the only issue that the OP, as a wife, can really deal with. My husband has done that once or twice, but then he feels like 25-year-old-him, overdoes it at work, and then makes the illness/injury worse. The Oracle Primavera P6 is a comprehensive/broad, scalable, project planning, scheduling, and monitoring software, built on Oracle or Microsoft SQL databases for organization wise comprehensive project management. Just because Bob lies, does your husband want to be a liar? Good management in construction must vigorously pursue the efficient utilization of the material and equipment. One example could be that in a manufacturing setting people often times are not allowed to chat with each other because of safety concerns and the potential of being distracted. When he heard/understood that, he took it way more seriously and it hasn’t happened again. I would definitely say that they both worked harder and had less time/allowance for slacking than I did, but of course everywhere is different. He has also not completed or even registered for the certification courses that he needs to do.
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